Play A Real Sport You Pansy!

Alright, don't get me wrong, I'm not the most athletic type. But it pisses me off when gym class and school activities include crap bullshit sports that don't exist. Its like, you come in to gym expecting to play Basketball, Soccer, Baseball, or if you're lucky, dodgeball. But no, instead you get slammed with madeup sports and other such shit. And the school sponsors and or supports clubs for other such sports. Its like, what the fuck? Let's take a look at some of these "sports":

Lacrosse: Lacrosse can be split up into two distinct games- Professional Lacrosse, and Amatuer Lacrosse. In professional lacrosse you basically have hockey, except instead of hockey sticks they have those crappy net-stick hybrid things. And of course, in the hockey tradition, people fight and check violently. It can actually be rather entertaining. Unfortunately, what you find in gym and as school sponsored is the Amatuer kind. Which basically is a comedy of errors. Except instead of comedy, there's just more error. People run around, sometimes into eachother, fumbling with the sticks to try to pick up that damned ball. And then the one of the players who knows what he's doing picks up the stick and whips the ball across the room, either scoring a goal or hitting someone painfully. Then the losers start at it, fumbling and tripping in a desperate attempt to get the ball going again. The most entertaining part of the game is the inevitable shot to the groin someone ends up taking when one of the good players whips the ball across the room.

Cricket: What the hell is cricket anyways? It's sort of like baseball I'm given to understand, except more british and much more confusing. And no one knows the rules. That's right, I'm pretty sure even the British don't know how to play, they just sit around and go "Jolly good then. At least we're not playing baseball chaps. G'day guvna."

Mac Attack: This has got to be the worst "Sport" ever. We all know kickball is like the loser form of baseball. Well mac attack is the loser form of kickball. Basically, its like kickball except there are 6 bases in a figure eight pattern like so:
4    5
3    2
H   1
And instead of 3 outs, there's 5 outs. And there can be up to 3 people on the base. And you can get people out by hitting them with the ball. Now it may sound rather interesting, but believe me, it is not. It basically entails a lot of standing around, either on a base or in line to kick, and when you're not doing either of those things its pretty much just either lame kicking or running. The whole "sport" is a terrible idea, and no one really enjoys it except losers.

Ultimate Frisbee: This is the stupidest hybrid sport ever. Trying to clash, handball, football, and a frisbee. There are two goals and about six people on each team. Basic game right? Wrong! The whole time it is the three kids who play sports on each team passing to eachother. While they are doing this the kids who have no clue what they are doing are being jumped on and run over.

Dodgeball: I didn't think it was possible but gym teachers around the world have ruined dodgeball. Not to mention that god awful Ben Stiller movie. This game used to be so awesome. It was like Darwin's code of law....but for kids. Fat kids and kids with glasss would fear this game so much. That was until they replaced the rubber balls with soft foam balls. And completely ruined the stragety of killing with basketball hoops and other targets.