How to Sell an Inferior Product For More And Get Away With It

Be the Apple corporation. Seriously. It's like, no one understands that iPods are bad. I was talking to someone today and they were all like "Well, maybe I just won't get an Apple iPod... Other people make iPods too." And I'm like, "What the fuck are you talking about? Do you mean MP3 Players? MP3 players are NOT iPods. IPods are as much Mp3 players as Macs are computers. IPods are crap and average MP3 players are not." They were all like huh? At this point I bitched them out for being stupid.

Ask people who aren't stupid and own iPods. I know a lot of people who have an iPod not because they wanted one, but because their stupid, misguided relatives bought them one for Christmas. Most of them agree, iPods suck. Their battery life is like 12 hours, tops, and that's if you don't do anything to it while its on. If you change the song, or the settings, or set it to shuffle or something the battery will be dead within a few hours. Plus they break. A lot. The average lifespan of an iPod is something like 8 months. If you've manage to have yours live longer than that, then you are one of the lucky few. Of course, you're unlucky to own one in the first place.

IPods cost more. Its a fact. The 5-gig iPod costs around 250$. For 220$ you can pick up the 5-gig Motorola m500 mp3 player, with a 25 hour battery life. For 230$ you can get a Rio Carbon 4-gig with a 20 hour battery life. Both of these are highly superior to the breakity, no-battery, overpriced iPod.

Not to mention the fact that iPods are one of the biggest selling-out fad you can possibly buy into. The only people who should have iPods are those too dumb to realize that an alternative exists (like little miss "all mp3 players are iPods" as seen above). Vacuous, empty-headed losers who probably only listen to pop hit-singles and don't even need more than half a gig in their entire lives. There was a commercial for iPods during the superbowl (not that I watched, as that is also a huge selling-out and completely pointless; I was just waiting for it to end so I could watch the Simpsons afterwards) that was all like "Life is Random- iPods, Now With Shuffle!" Well for one, I've heard from people with iPods that the shuffle feature on them sucks, and two, "Life is Random, sell out like everyone else?" No, that doesn't work. Go fuck yourselves apple. You suck at making commercials, you suck at making computers, and you suck at making music players. I'm not even going to call the iPod an mp3 player. Doing so would give it far too much credit.

Angrily,

-Vampire_Ninja

P.S.: There has been some fan demand for more sepukku. So here you go. Anyone who owns an iPod is encouraged to commit sepukku. In the ultimate act of irony, you should commit it using your iPod instead of a knife. Sure, being blunt it will hurt a lot more. But you own an iPod, you should be used to pain by now. At least this way you can die with a little honor.