Top 5 Reasons America is Inherently Worse than Japan:

5. Anime: you may think raising children on cartoons filled with violence, sex, and swearing would desensitize them to it. But no, rather it shows them that only fictional characters whose sole purposes are the amusement of others resort to these things. Whereas our children's cartoons are either cheesy disney shit or increasingly worse nick/cartoon network crap.

4.  No Military: The U.S. government pours billions of dollars every year into our military. Since the Japanese military would be so freaking ridiculous if it existed, they've been prevented from having one since WWII. This means those billions of dollars are instead going into productive things.

3. Seppuku: Forget the "No Child Left Behind" Policy, the Japanese have the greatest school policy ever. When a child does bad in school, he or she is highly encouraged to commit suicide. "Teacher, what's this strange mark next to my A?" "In America they call that a minus. Here in Japan, we call it a 'suicide dash.'" At which point the teacher hands him a dagger and he commits seppuku, Japanese hnorable suicide, in front of the class.

2. Populated by Asians: If any of you have seen "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," "Hero," or "House of Flying Daggers," you know what I'm talking about. Asians are simply better than whites. They can fly, they can kill with practically a thought, and they can take everything the U.S. makes and make it smaller, better, faster, and more profitable.  I mean, come on. They're the only country who has ever won a land war in russia.

1. Ninjas: Not only do they represent the pinnacle of discipline, training, and skill, but they also go around killing people who are just too dumb to live (or even commit seppuku).

Update by Vampire_Ninja