Inventing Some Holidays Worth Celebrating

With our modern ways of overcommercialization and religious scandals, Holidays just aren't worth celebrating. Christmas? We just do it for the gifts. Thanksgiving? An excuse to overeat. Independance Day? More like "Excuse For Legalized Fireworks  Day."And what the hell is a Qwanza? And if you're not religious, all you have is a bunch of things like Veterans Day and Flag Day, which are just "patriotic" and the only celebrating going on is a day off of school/work. So here are some new and better holidays.

Atheist's Kids Get Gifts Day (December 25th): Why should the Christians, Jews, and whatever people celebrate Quanza have all of the December Fun?  Whether you are Atheist, Agnostic, Satan-Worshiping, Buddhist, or whatever, this day is for you. Feel free to give a gift to all of your friends, and demand them in return. Also known as Mecernary Day, Non-Denominational Gift Day, and Pointless Presents Day.

Antichristmas (June 6th): If Jesus gets his own day, why shouldn't the antichrist? Picked to be the farthest possible date away from christmas, it is designed to be the polar opposite. Give gifts to the naughty (your fellow atheists and satan-worshipping types) and prank the "nice." Look out for Satan Clause.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19th): Avast Mate. This real holiday is the perfect opportunity to let loose all your pirate-speaking skills.

And that's a wrap for now. When feel better I'll update with more holidays worth celebrating.