You Call These Options?

This article can sort of be considered a followup to last week's article on how white kids act like they're not. I have discovered the reason for this: there just isn't a good stereotype option for a white kid nowadays. Here, I'll even prove it with a detailed description of all of the options nowadays.

Emo:

Look- Converse All-Stars, tight girlish pants, a button-down shortsleeve shirt (generally plaid or something equally as tacky) buttoned down over a short sleeve shirt. Studded belts and often bracelets, ear "plugs." Hair designed to look short and sloppy, or in that faggy "flip" thing where it goes in front of their eyes and they're constantly jerking their heads like retards to be able to see anything.

Actions- Encourage drama and emo-faggery in their everyday lives, listen to depressing music, post how depressed they are on their livejournals, and then either cut or pretend to cut.

Music- Depressing crap that takes some roots from punk, but really horribly sucks. Blink182 and Greenday are good examples of emo bands that used to not suck so bad. Basically the songs are generally about being lonely and a depressed loser sung by some moron with a whiney voice backed by the same three chords played on a guitar.

Evaluation- F--. If you choose any stereotype in the modern world, for god's sake don't choose this. The look is horrible, the actions even worse, and the music just plain sucks.

Indie:

Look- Faded clothes like you'd find at the salvation army. That's because the look was started by post-college students so far in debt they couldn't afford anything but salvation army clothes. Then stores started picking up on this fad with pre-faded jeans and shirts so you can now get the 10 cents look for $44.98 plus tax. Also have a tendancy towards outrageous things like silly hats as one of their tenaments is going against the norm.

Actions- Tendancy against the norm. Frequent dive bars (if of legal drinking age) and obscure concerts. Download EP's of obscure bands, all in the hope of attaining "Indie Cred," i.e. knowing about bands no one knows about.

Music- As obscure as possible, tending towards the bizzare and post-modern ironic. Because of the concept of Indie Cred, it is impossible to label a band as "the definitive" Indie music, as if people actually knew what band I was talking about it wouldn't have Indie Cred and therefore would suck. A few decent examples of the style of music Indie kids are into are Flaming Lips and Arcade Fire.

Evaluation- C-. Overall not terrible, but the whole concept of Indie Cred is rather ridiculous. I admire their anti-conformism, but it has formed into a whole new sort of conformism within their group. The concept of finding obscure bands is a rather cool one, but the music is rather distasteful to those who arent "hardcore" Indie. Plus a lot of emo bands have realized that a lot of people hate emo now so have labeled themselves as Indie in an attempt not to become completely shitty. The whole "get salvation army quality clothes at gap prices" concept isn't exactly fabulous either.

XTREME!!!!!:

Look- Bodily piercings, tattoos, shaved or shaggy hair, baggy hoodies or muscle shirts and khaki shants.

Actions- Skate-Boarding, mo-peds, snowboading, anything "xtreme."

Music- Punk

Evalutation- D. For one, this craze has been on its way out for a while now. Additionally, you actually have to be good at skateboarding/snowboarding/etc to be a good "Xtreme"ist. And good punk music is so hard to find these days. Plus tattoos and piercings have a tendancy to be permanent, meaning serious rammifications if you're one of these trend-following types and want to stop being an Xtremist.

Prep:

Look- Crappy sellout look, all about the label of the product you wear. Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle, whatever, its all about turning your body into a walking billboard for whatever's considered "cool." Also frequent Hot Topic, ruining the store.

Actions- Watching reality TV and the crappy soaps/sitcoms that are hyped and talking about them with your prep friends, complaining about lack of cash stopping you from being able to shop the places you want more often, often involved with sports. Jocks and cheerleaders are often preps.

Music- Pop-crap, rap, whatever's being hyped.

Evaluation: F. Unless the idea of being a total sellout to popular fads appeals to you, avoid this like the plague.

H4x0r:

Look- Either the matrix look, or a complete disregard for all fashion as they simply don't care.

Actions- FPS's like CS and Halo, programming, hacking., modding computers/xboxes, ranting about how much better Linux is than all of the other operating systems.

Music- Techno, smatterings of whatever.

Evaluation- C+. While this is a potentially good group to be a part of (as long as you don't mind being labelled as a nerd),  it becomes blatantly obvious that you don't have programming skills quite fast if you don't, at which point you are likely to be ostracized. And let's face it, the majority of people do not have any idea how to program a computer.

Goth:

Look- Black black and more black. Died black hair. Often black nail polish and make-up. Black trenchcoats. Chains and leather are big.

Actions- Being gloomy and dark, complaining about the light. Sometimes involved with occult practices, "vampirism," or other such bizzare activities.

Music- Metal and Industrial.

Evaluation- C. Biggest problems with Gothicism include the fact that many kids will wear black and claim they are gothic, or that kids who wear black and don't claim they are gothic are labeled as such. Get props for being one of the few groups to perpetuate metal in this decade. Get slops for being involved in occult/vampiric stuff.

That's basically the extent of your options folks. Shit, shit, and more shit. Unless you have some sort of mad skill (boarding, hacking, etc.) or you're willing to sell out completely, there's really no option for you. But even if you don't pick a stereotype, some loser's gonna label you with one anyways. So no matter what you're fucked. G'night loser.

-Vampire_Ninja